Bruder, Where Do Babies Come From?
by LeaderofBrooklyn
Summary: One-shot. One day, little Liechtenstein decides she wants to know where babies come from. All is well until France comes in. Fluff, no pairings. Rated T because, well, its France and the Talk.


**I'm not sure if I got France's personality right. I had a hard time writing about him. Hopefully it doesn't affect the quality too much. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia.**

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"Bruder, where do babies come from?" I asked.

Today was an especially pretty day. The sun was shining upon my big brother and me. We were having a picnic in his home, on the shores of Lake Geneva. I made sandwiches for the both of us with all of bruder's favorite items.

Big brother narrowed his eyes. "Lilli, you're too young to be asking this stuff. Wait until you're older and I'll tell you."

"Bu-but at the meetings, the other countries always talk about it- especially France," I said.

He was about to say something when he was interrupted by weird laugh.

"Honhonhonhonhon~"

Big brother instantly whipped out his gun from nowhere and pointed at the man. I recognized him as France.

"France, what the hell are you doing here," Bruder asked threateningly.

Mr. France put his hand over his heart with an expression of hurt on his face. "Why, I just came to say hello! Lake Geneva isshared by both Switzerland _and _France. He wiggled his eyebrows.

"You said hello, now get the fuck out of here before I shoot you," big brother growled. He fired off a few warning shots.

"Now, now," France said as if talking to a child. He waved his finger back and forth. "I can't help but to ah, overhear your conversation with your little sister here. I understand that she wants to know about where babies come from, _oui_?

"Bastard!" bruder shouted. "This is between me and Liechtenstein, not you!" He fired a few shots at Mr. France.

Mr. France miraculously dodged them all. I was surprised, big brother never misses.

"Bruder!" I said frantically. "Please don't shoot anybody, please!" I looked at home with wide eyes.

Big brother looked at me for at me for a moment and quickly turned away. "Fine," he sighed. He then turned to Mr. France. "But if you do anything, _anything _at all to Liechtenstein, I will turn you into Swiss cheese."

"Your little sister is right _mon amie_. Let's talk about this in a civilized tone shall we? Plus, you're not very capable of giving the _talk. _However, I already been this through with _mon petit _Canada."

I heard big brother mutter something under his breath. "Fine," he said curtly. "I'll be observing you like a hawk so you won't do anything stupid or inappropriate."

I wonder what Mr. France meant by the _talk. _Was he finally going to tell me where babies come from? Oh, I'm so excited!

I sat down on the grass, careful not to dirty my pink dress and folded my legs just like bruder taught me to. I looked up at Mr. France with eager eyes.

Mr. France cleared his throat. "Okay, so you know how a man and a woman can fall in love with each other they kiss, right?"

I nodded.

"Well, sometimes they want to take it to the next level. Do something _more _than kissing. And that level is the best thing you've ever experienced, passionate and-"

Bang! He was cut off by a gunshot that nearly hit him.

"What did I just say," big brother growled.

"Okay, okay," Mr. France said. "Sheesh, I was just explaining how sex can be-"

Bang! Another shot rang off from big brother's gun that Mr. France managed to duck.

"Damn it, Switzerland! Let me finish my sentences before you actually shoot!" France complained.

Mr. France continued. "Anyway, at some point in a humans' life they start developing certain body parts and their hormone levels go up. This process is called puberty." He paused for a little bit and looked at brother. Brother nodded and he continued again.

"This usually starts when humans reach the age of 12 or 13. For nations it's different, since we age differently, it doesn't start until we actually look that age. For girls, their chest start to… get bigger and for the boys, well you know that thing in between their legs?" At this point, Mr. France's tone began to get a little excited, I guess. What was so exciting about that? I mean, they're just body parts.

I saw bruder reach for his gun again, but he must've decided against it and put it away. Maybe those anger management classes were working out for him after all.

I nodded. I once saw one, at one of the world meetings. One of Mr. France's friends came in drunk; I think his name was Prussia. He began to take his clothes off. Big brother was the currently giving a speech at the time, so he wasn't very happy about it.

It was actually quite funny until big brother shot him in the leg for showing me "obscene images." I didn't get it. What was so wrong?

"It starts to get longer. You see Lilli, some girls find that attractive and in a guy. Likewise, some guys find that girls with a bigger chest attractive. They will want to do _things _to them." Mr. France licked his lips. "Ah, I remember my first time. I believe it was with _Angleterre…_"

Mr. France suddenly gave out a cry of pain as a bullet grazed his shoulder. Even though it didn't do much damage, Mr. France had tears coming out of his eyes. I remembered that France didn't have a lot of military success after Napoleon died. I wonder if that's the reason why it hurt so much.

Big brother was standing up breathing heavily. "I thought I told you to not mention those things you pervert!" He pointed his gun at Mr. France. "Now get out of my sight before I shoot you again! And if I ever see you on Swiss territory or near Liechtenstein, I will shoot you so many times that you will wish you have never been born!"

Okay, maybe those anger management classes haven't been working out so well.

Mr. France got the message he ran away as fast as he could. But I still heard that weird laugh of his.

"Au revoir Monsieur Switzerland and Mademoiselle Liechtenstein!" he shouted. "Honhonhonhonhon~"

I waved goodbye. "Bye Mr. France! Please don't take big brothers shot at you personally!"

I felt a bit sad though as he ran away. I still haven't found the answer to my question.

Big brother gave out a big sigh. "Okay Lilli, since France was incapable of telling you about _it, _I will tell you."

"Really?" I asked.

"Yes." He took in a deep breath. "When a man and a woman love each other very much, they get into bed with each other with their clothes off. And they begin touching intimate parts." He began to blush a deep shade of red. He paused to make sure I understood and I nodded. Those were the things that Mr. France talked about before he ran away.

"At this point, the male inserts his…thing, into the female's vagina," bruder continued. For a couple of minutes he talked about things like "ejaculation" and "pregnancy." I didn't know what most of those words meant so I simply nodded. Throughout the whole entire thing, big brother's face was red, like a _tomate, _as Mr. Spain would say. I thought it was very cute.

"…and then the female gives birth to the baby," he finished. He looked relieved that he was done. It made more a lot more sense now.

"Do you have any questions Lilli?" bruder asked.

"Actually I do?" I answered. I had this question in my mind since Mr. France mentioned it.

"Bruder, did you have sex with anybody?"

Bruder's face got even redder. Oh dear, I hope I didn't break him.

"Lilli, I'll tell you the answer to that question when you're older," he answered.

I was disappointed. But bruder always knew best, so he had his reasons. Besides, I could always ask Miss Hungary. She always knows who is dating who.

**Sorry if I over used the terms "brother" and "bruder" a lot. I can't see Liechtenstein saying Switzerland. **


End file.
